On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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