I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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