I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
