u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize