its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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