I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
