I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
