my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
