Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
