My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
