ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
