I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
