Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The power of my boobs compel you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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