There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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