hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
