Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
this is an emotional support booty call
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