My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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