I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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