i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
