sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
