I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
