im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
