So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
