PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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