Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
