kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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