I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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