so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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