it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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