dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
