I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
