I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
