I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
