I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
