I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
