Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
