there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
