just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drake has all the answers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
