I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
