im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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