I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
