I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
