It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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