just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
