If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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