so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
