Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
