omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
