it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
