I want to stick my p in your. b.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
