The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
