Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
