I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
