It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
