I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
