wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
