dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
