you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
