You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
