Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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