$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
