I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
