White coat. Heels.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
