Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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