Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
