Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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