My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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