just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
