The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
