i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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