Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
