I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize