I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
