I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
two words...techno handjob
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
