I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
