Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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